Our Little Family
Our Big Family
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 13- To whom it may concern...
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently...
I have learned that the closer you are to someone, the more vulnerable you become, the more power they have to hurt you. You continually hope and genuinely believe that because you are so close with them, they wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt you. And you genuinely believe that you wouldn't hurt them either. But it just isn't so. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me... Whoever came up with that is an idiot. Words are as sharp as daggers and often inflict deep wounds on their targets. I grew up in a family where word-daggers whipped back and forth daily. I have a lot of scars.
I feel closer to you than anyone I have ever known. That is a pretty big compliment to you. You generally make me feel safe, and loved, and I appreciate your patience with me as some of my old wounds are still healing. But lately you have become a word-dagger master. You say things that cut me to the quick, that make me angry and heartbroken and hopeless all at once. You make me question what we are even doing here... And I am so confused.
Talking through a conflict has never been my strong point. I would rather keep my mouth shut and go into ignore mode than try to talk through an argument or fight. This drives you crazy. Again, I apologize for all the scars that I'm left with from all these years. I don't know how else to be. I am trying to get better, I have been trying my whole life to become something different than what I am, something more acceptable to the mainstream. Sometimes I want to say forget it and make my own road. But lately, when I ask you what's wrong you say "nothing" and when I ask if you are alright you say "no." I want to help you, I want to be there for you, I want to know what's going on, because I love you so so much.
I know that you have your own scars to work through. I know you have not had an easy life either. But you are the talker. What am I to do when you refuse to speak?
I have learned that the closer you are to someone, the more vulnerable you become, the more power they have to hurt you. You continually hope and genuinely believe that because you are so close with them, they wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt you. And you genuinely believe that you wouldn't hurt them either. But it just isn't so. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me... Whoever came up with that is an idiot. Words are as sharp as daggers and often inflict deep wounds on their targets. I grew up in a family where word-daggers whipped back and forth daily. I have a lot of scars.
I feel closer to you than anyone I have ever known. That is a pretty big compliment to you. You generally make me feel safe, and loved, and I appreciate your patience with me as some of my old wounds are still healing. But lately you have become a word-dagger master. You say things that cut me to the quick, that make me angry and heartbroken and hopeless all at once. You make me question what we are even doing here... And I am so confused.
Talking through a conflict has never been my strong point. I would rather keep my mouth shut and go into ignore mode than try to talk through an argument or fight. This drives you crazy. Again, I apologize for all the scars that I'm left with from all these years. I don't know how else to be. I am trying to get better, I have been trying my whole life to become something different than what I am, something more acceptable to the mainstream. Sometimes I want to say forget it and make my own road. But lately, when I ask you what's wrong you say "nothing" and when I ask if you are alright you say "no." I want to help you, I want to be there for you, I want to know what's going on, because I love you so so much.
I know that you have your own scars to work through. I know you have not had an easy life either. But you are the talker. What am I to do when you refuse to speak?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 12- How do you start a blog?
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one...
Ok, I know I have skipped day 11. I will go back when I find the stinkin picture I want to post for it. My apologies. I just felt like it had been too long since I wrote anything. Here goes!
I found out about blogger from a friend who had been thinking about starting her own blog for awhile. She researched how to do it, spent time looking at other blogs to get ideas, and finally started her own. So after reading hers a couple times, I thought, I could do this! This might be a good way for me to get some things out of my system and I really enjoy writing. I especially like the Blog Challenge because I think I do my best writing when I have a specific topic to write about, instead of me trying to come up with something I think everyone else would be interested in reading. I was totally inspired by my friend, we are in similar places in our life journey (married with semi-new baby boys), and reading her blog just gave me the push I needed to start my own.
Ok, I know I have skipped day 11. I will go back when I find the stinkin picture I want to post for it. My apologies. I just felt like it had been too long since I wrote anything. Here goes!
I found out about blogger from a friend who had been thinking about starting her own blog for awhile. She researched how to do it, spent time looking at other blogs to get ideas, and finally started her own. So after reading hers a couple times, I thought, I could do this! This might be a good way for me to get some things out of my system and I really enjoy writing. I especially like the Blog Challenge because I think I do my best writing when I have a specific topic to write about, instead of me trying to come up with something I think everyone else would be interested in reading. I was totally inspired by my friend, we are in similar places in our life journey (married with semi-new baby boys), and reading her blog just gave me the push I needed to start my own.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I apologize...
Yes, I realize I have seriously fallen behind. I am still pondering day 11... mostly because it is supposed to be a picture of me and my friends again and I don't have many on my computer. When I get around to it, (read: when I feel like it) I will scan an old one and post it. For now, I wish to vent, and since this is MY BLOG I will do what I want...
I hate people that think they are better than other people. Everyone is on an equal playing field. Just get that in your head. Because newsflash, no matter what we do in our measly lives, it isn't that significant to anyone other than ourselves, AND we all have the same fate. We are all going to die. So don't get in my face and tell me how you are better than me because you did this or that. I don't give a F**K!!!! I don't care what you've done in your life, if you are trying to flaunt it like you are the ISH then obviously you have learned nothing in the teensy amount of time that you have resided on this planet. The only person qualified to boast is Jesus Christ because he died for our sins, our mistakes, our shortcomings. And if you think you are better than anyone else, then you have MANY. I am so tired of judgemental morons. Seriously, take a long look in the mirror and I'm sure that you won't like what you see. And if you have the balls to come to me and tell me all your opinions and viewppoints, you can at least have the respect to listen to my point of view.
I would like to share a little bit about being an army wife. Some dumb @$$ TV show has dramatized what we go through. Yes, many army wives are flat out whores. I have personally known quite a few. HOWEVER we are not all that way. (P.S. lots of soldiers are manwhores too, so whatever.) Anyway- I am not one of those. Being an army wife, in my opinion, is just as hard as being a soldier. The soldier has the courage and bravery to enter the military, to give up his decisions and plans to do what the military asks him to do. The Army Wife also gives all that up. But we also give up our children's futures, we give up our hopes, our dreams, our plans. We give up our husbands, not knowing if we will ever see them again, trying to hold back tears and put on a brave face while we smile and wish our husbands well as they ship off to the unknown. I have spent 15 months of my life, not including training time, on pins and needles, not knowing if today was the last day I would ever hear my husband's voice. Not knowing if today would be the day that I had to tell his children (not mine, mind you) that their dad was never coming back. Yes, a single soldier risks his life for the freedom of all Americans. But a married soldier risks his life, his wife's life and his children's lives. So don't you dare sit there and tell me that you are better than me. Don't put down my husband, who has risked more than you even know exists. I appreciate what all of our troops have done for this country, and I admire their courage and bravery. But Army Wives have a bravery all their own. When a soldier is deployed, they are just worried about making it out alive. But an Army Wife has to think about what has to be done if that soldier doesn't make it out alive. We have to think about picking up the pieces and going on with our lives after the devastating blow. So think about that the next time you'd like to get in my face. I'm a different kind of fighter. I am an Army Wife.
I hate people that think they are better than other people. Everyone is on an equal playing field. Just get that in your head. Because newsflash, no matter what we do in our measly lives, it isn't that significant to anyone other than ourselves, AND we all have the same fate. We are all going to die. So don't get in my face and tell me how you are better than me because you did this or that. I don't give a F**K!!!! I don't care what you've done in your life, if you are trying to flaunt it like you are the ISH then obviously you have learned nothing in the teensy amount of time that you have resided on this planet. The only person qualified to boast is Jesus Christ because he died for our sins, our mistakes, our shortcomings. And if you think you are better than anyone else, then you have MANY. I am so tired of judgemental morons. Seriously, take a long look in the mirror and I'm sure that you won't like what you see. And if you have the balls to come to me and tell me all your opinions and viewppoints, you can at least have the respect to listen to my point of view.
I would like to share a little bit about being an army wife. Some dumb @$$ TV show has dramatized what we go through. Yes, many army wives are flat out whores. I have personally known quite a few. HOWEVER we are not all that way. (P.S. lots of soldiers are manwhores too, so whatever.) Anyway- I am not one of those. Being an army wife, in my opinion, is just as hard as being a soldier. The soldier has the courage and bravery to enter the military, to give up his decisions and plans to do what the military asks him to do. The Army Wife also gives all that up. But we also give up our children's futures, we give up our hopes, our dreams, our plans. We give up our husbands, not knowing if we will ever see them again, trying to hold back tears and put on a brave face while we smile and wish our husbands well as they ship off to the unknown. I have spent 15 months of my life, not including training time, on pins and needles, not knowing if today was the last day I would ever hear my husband's voice. Not knowing if today would be the day that I had to tell his children (not mine, mind you) that their dad was never coming back. Yes, a single soldier risks his life for the freedom of all Americans. But a married soldier risks his life, his wife's life and his children's lives. So don't you dare sit there and tell me that you are better than me. Don't put down my husband, who has risked more than you even know exists. I appreciate what all of our troops have done for this country, and I admire their courage and bravery. But Army Wives have a bravery all their own. When a soldier is deployed, they are just worried about making it out alive. But an Army Wife has to think about what has to be done if that soldier doesn't make it out alive. We have to think about picking up the pieces and going on with our lives after the devastating blow. So think about that the next time you'd like to get in my face. I'm a different kind of fighter. I am an Army Wife.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Day 10- If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands...
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you're happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad...
FYI, I know I am a few days off schedule. It's my blog so I can do what I want. LOL.
Alright let's get down to business. Pretty much any of the feelings/moods above can be satisfied with some Gwen Stefani/No Doubt. They have upbeat songs, mellow songs, sad songs... I am a huge Gwen fan, so any of the songs will do, I love to rock out to her voice.
Lately I have been listening to Fergie's The Dutchess. I guess that would fall under happy and hyped. There are some mellower songs on that cd, but I usually skip those.
Back in the day I would turn to Dashboard Confessional for my sad/mad music.
I know I am just listing artists rather than songs, but that is because their body of work encompasses the feelings/moods in the prompt. I don't listen to just one song, I listen to cd's so it made more sense for me to list the artists.
FYI, I know I am a few days off schedule. It's my blog so I can do what I want. LOL.
Alright let's get down to business. Pretty much any of the feelings/moods above can be satisfied with some Gwen Stefani/No Doubt. They have upbeat songs, mellow songs, sad songs... I am a huge Gwen fan, so any of the songs will do, I love to rock out to her voice.
Lately I have been listening to Fergie's The Dutchess. I guess that would fall under happy and hyped. There are some mellower songs on that cd, but I usually skip those.
Back in the day I would turn to Dashboard Confessional for my sad/mad music.
I know I am just listing artists rather than songs, but that is because their body of work encompasses the feelings/moods in the prompt. I don't listen to just one song, I listen to cd's so it made more sense for me to list the artists.
Friday, March 11, 2011
day 09- I'm so proud!
Day 09- Something you're proud of in the last few days...
1. Bb made the talent show! We have been working on hard on her dance for the last couple weeks and auditions were yesterday... I am so proud of her! :)
2. I volunteered twice at the kids' school this week, and I have really enjoyed it.
3. I am so stoked to start my Sub job!
4. Baby J started to say his brother G's name- the first one of his siblings! <3 so sweet!
1. Bb made the talent show! We have been working on hard on her dance for the last couple weeks and auditions were yesterday... I am so proud of her! :)
2. I volunteered twice at the kids' school this week, and I have really enjoyed it.
3. I am so stoked to start my Sub job!
4. Baby J started to say his brother G's name- the first one of his siblings! <3 so sweet!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day 08- Show me the money!
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why...
My main goal this month is to get to work... I am now employed as a Substitute Teacher for the school district, and have done my training, so now I can find jobs. So I am hoping to get at least 3 jobs a week, if not 5. I like the flexibility of this job. I choose what jobs I take, and when I take them. If I have a dr's appt or a kid event I can be "unavailable" which is awesome because some days you just have other obligations. And I always have weekends off :)
Secondly, I am starting physical therapy this month, so I will more than likely havesome goals attached to that. P.S. I am going for tension headaches, I have had them nearly everyday for over a year, as long as I can remember in fact...
Third, I need to complete my FAFSA for next year and also find out what classes I want to take to continue my education. I will be continuing to work on my Bachelor's in English as well as my teaching certificate.
I have a couple other goals that I really don't want to put out into cyberspace, they are pretty personal, but just wanted to remind you that sometimes people in our lives have things going on that we don't know about and they need our prayers and thoughts, etc, to help them along. P.S. everything is fine, its just some stuff I don't want to share on the internet. :)
My main goal this month is to get to work... I am now employed as a Substitute Teacher for the school district, and have done my training, so now I can find jobs. So I am hoping to get at least 3 jobs a week, if not 5. I like the flexibility of this job. I choose what jobs I take, and when I take them. If I have a dr's appt or a kid event I can be "unavailable" which is awesome because some days you just have other obligations. And I always have weekends off :)
Secondly, I am starting physical therapy this month, so I will more than likely havesome goals attached to that. P.S. I am going for tension headaches, I have had them nearly everyday for over a year, as long as I can remember in fact...
Third, I need to complete my FAFSA for next year and also find out what classes I want to take to continue my education. I will be continuing to work on my Bachelor's in English as well as my teaching certificate.
I have a couple other goals that I really don't want to put out into cyberspace, they are pretty personal, but just wanted to remind you that sometimes people in our lives have things going on that we don't know about and they need our prayers and thoughts, etc, to help them along. P.S. everything is fine, its just some stuff I don't want to share on the internet. :)
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