Day 13- To whom it may concern...

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently...

I have learned that the closer you are to someone, the more vulnerable you become, the more power they have to hurt you. You continually hope and genuinely believe that because you are so close with them, they wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt you. And you genuinely believe that you wouldn't hurt them either. But it just isn't so. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me... Whoever came up with that is an idiot. Words are as sharp as daggers and often inflict deep wounds on their targets. I grew up in a family where word-daggers whipped back and forth daily. I have a lot of scars.
I feel closer to you than anyone I have ever known. That is a pretty big compliment to you. You generally make me feel safe, and loved, and I appreciate your patience with me as some of my old wounds are still healing. But lately you have become a word-dagger master. You say things that cut me to the quick, that make me angry and heartbroken and hopeless all at once. You make me question what we are even doing here... And I am so confused.
Talking through a conflict has never been my strong point. I would rather keep my mouth shut and go into ignore mode than try to talk through an argument or fight. This drives you crazy. Again, I apologize for all the scars that I'm left with from all these years. I don't know how else to be. I am trying to get better, I have been trying my whole life to become something different than what I am, something more acceptable to the mainstream. Sometimes I want to say forget it and make my own road. But lately, when I ask you what's wrong you say "nothing" and when I ask if you are alright you say "no." I want to help you, I want to be there for you, I want to know what's going on, because I love you so so much.
I know that you have your own scars to work through. I know you have not had an easy life either. But you are the talker. What am I to do when you refuse to speak?