I'm a loser, baby.

Sometimes I feel like such a loser.
Let me explain.
It took me 8 years to get my associates degree. A degree that should only take 2 years. And it's in Liberal Arts. Which basically qualifies me to be a secretary. The career counselor at my college told me that is about the only job my degree would get me. Except it hasn't even got me that.
Here I am, a year and a half from turning the big 3-0, smack in the middle of the year of my 10 year high school reunion, and I have no career to speak of. I have worked at numerous jobs and have an odd skill set as a result. Pretty much no skills that translate into a career.
Ten years ago, my heart was set on becoming a teacher. One thing I regret when I look back at my life is that I didn't stick to that. I wish I posessed more resolve when it comes to things like that- the following your dreams kind of things, the listening to your head when it really counts. I too often follow my heart, my big mushy heart that wants to be all rainbows and sunshine. Don't ge me wrong, I have found some amazing treasures along the "follow your heart" path, but as I read about my classmates and friends and what they are all doing, I have this little twinge inside me that says, I wish I woulda...
But here's the thing. I don't have a career. When I have an option to put down my occupation, it says HOMEMAKER. Now this is a big occupation. I MAKE a HOME. It is taking me years and years to discover all the ins and outs of this occupation. And I am definitely still learning.
First- Accounting. I am responsible for stretching every last dollar my hard-working hubby brings home. I pay the bills, do the shopping, make sure everyone has the essentials.
Second- Cooking, catering, event planning, etc. I plan and cook meals everyday of the week. I plan the holidays, the birthdays, the bbq's, and any other event that my family partakes in. However, I draw the line at planning my own birthday, which subsequently explains why we haven't celebrated it the last couple years...
Third- Personal Assistant. Yes, I am my husband's personal assistant. I make his coffee and plan his schedule. I do his laundry and his shopping. I make calls, run errands, and set up meetings.
Fourth- Management. I have 6 kids that I am in charge of. I make sure everyone gets to football, track, baseball, scouts, parties, and school, all with lunches, snacks and gifts, respectively. Don't forget dr. appointments, homework and nap schedules! P.S. I also volunteer my time to scouting and school events.
Fifth- Maid Service. On top of all the fancy duties that come with being a homemaker, I also have the task of keeping the house. Making beds, doing laundry, scrubbing toilets, loading dishes, vacuuming... this list NEVER ends. Oh and interior design.
Last, and definitely not least, I am a mom. (Remember those 6 kids I mentioned?) I have three stepkids, two sons, and my sixteen year old brother to look after. And here is the best part. That means I get to be (you guessed it!) a teacher. I have two amazing boys that learn from me daily. And it's taken me this long to figure that out.
So I am done feeling guilty that I didn't get my bachelor's or master's or doctorate as I once dreamed. I have wonderful students that will learn more from me more than anyone else. And I am done feeling guilty about what I am able to put on an application. My life is so much more than what that piece of paper says.
I'm not there yet. My house is a wreck. Our budget never gets followed. My kids miss naptime (and get really CRANKY). There are dishes in my sink. But I am learning balance. I am not an expert. I have only been at this a few years. But I am not giving up. I am determined to make the best home I can. To raise the best boys I can. To be the best wife I can. And if that makes me a loser, baby, I'll take it.